“I Am Gardener,” by Daniel Holland

I always lie when I tell snow stories. You say you walked to school as a kid in two feet of snow. I say I walked in three feet of snow. Not only that–it was 20 degrees below zero. There were no bathrooms in sight, a lot of people around. I was pee-shy.

Freckles, why did you have sex with the poodle next door? Poor puppies have beagle faces and poodle hairstyles. After the love affair of the poodle, your girlfriend was that St. Bernard. When the St. Bernard jumped on the gray, roughened, falling-down fence, it shook like an earthquake. Freckles came running on all four paws…

“When you see the world on tilt rather than straight on, then you see the humor in the situation.” –Daniel Holland For years Daniel Holland, my sweetheart, dreamed of an old-fashioned comedy variety review show for Lake County, here in Northern California. My slogan is, “If you can dream, you can do.” In 2004, then,…

Perched on the end of faded green roughened seesaw. Roughened by sand poured over the board. I went up and down, then suddenly stopped. Stopped in midflight by a girl child turned woman. She said, “Here I am!” with her eyes. She made the sand feel solid.

I was in my boxers enjoying my box turtle while eating my box lunch before the big boxing match on TV. But there was this old TV show “Let’s Make a Deal” and I wanted to know what was in box number 1. Imagine somebody took away the computers, pens and pencils. The only writing…

When the blister wants to come out, there’s no stopping it. Walk too much–the blister can come out. Use your hands a lot–the blister will come out. “Me, Blister, I will travel.” Sit down a lot and see what happens. The end.